Being British, I am truly hesitant to be self-confident and self-assured but I am good , in fact very good, at preparing couples for their wedding and… their marriage – and note, the two are distinct though closely aligned.
And yet week by week a new insight propels itself into my consciousness and I begin to think, “Well, I’ve never thought of that!”.
This happened very recently. Talking with a couple for the first time, before ever we got down to the matter in hand, we found ourselves in the middle of a conversation about “teasing” – it was fun and it was profound. It goes to show that good pre-marital conversations depend more on attentive listening than slavish adherence to any one pattern of relationship inventories etc.
The topic of teasing and being teased took hold of the conversation and it was obvious that the couple did not quite agree on the partner’s readiness to be teased, though they loved to tease.
It made me think.
“Teasing” speaks to
- FOE (family of origin experience)
- Self-confidence
- Issues around vulnerability
- Sensitivity and appropriateness.
I love my wife Wendy and when I am guilty of teasing at wrong moments, my usual plea is “But I only tease because I love you.” The plea generally is acceptable but not always; I’m still trying to learn.
