Walking to walk this week, I espied a couple approaching me fast. Probably in their late twenties/early thirties they were “going at it hammer and tongs”. They walked with as much space between them as possible, only deigned to look at each other when they were addressing (yes, that formal) each other and speaking far too loudly.

They seemed in hearing distance for quite a while but then they came into hearing/understanding distance and I heard in clarion clear British accents (woman to man) “But I gave you a hug” followed by plaintive and defensive (man to woman) “But I thought you didn’t want me to hug you”. Ouch! Ouch! and Ouch again.

I said a prayer and hoped things would calm down and move into some rational waters soon.

Objectively, I saw that a hug should never be given as a sort of political power play but then also a hug should never be held back unless there is clear, very clear, demand “Do not hug me”.

All too often, with those we love, signs of affection begin more to express control rather than surrender. Beware!

And, my revered and loved mentor John Watson often told this story. A young curate was signally shy and yet yearning for female company. His boss, the Vicar, suggested that he read some books on intimacy. A few days later he was walking by a bookshop when he saw a book with this title on its spine, “How to Hug”. He rushed in, bought the book, ahd it wrapped most discretely. Once home, he was dismayed to discover that he had bought one volume in a series of encyclopaedia.

Lesson – judge not a book by its cover.